10:35 p.m. - April 28, 2009
Marathon snogging
Well, i'd like to start by talking about hairy kippers. You must excuse me if my spelling is utter shite or if anything i'm writting seems to be complete and utter balls but HAIRY KIPPERS. I've been scarred. When i was a kid, if you stood on a line and i'm pretty much talkin any kind of line on the pavement or the road, you were a hairy kipper. I'm not sure why you would end up being a hairy kipper and even how that would affect your day to day life, but it terrified me. Even now in my pretend adult life, i'm scared to stand on a line, so if u see me walking funny, maybe i look like i have a sore bum, well i'm actually trying to avoid lines like my life depends on it. I dont wanna be a hairy kipper, i like being me, and quite frankly kippers smell.And the thought of a smelly fish covered in hair freaks me out.
By the way, it doesnt count if your pushed onto a line!!!!!! So dont try it bozo.
The other thing i'd like to talk about is snogging. I love snogging, i think its actually one of my most favourite things in the land (Can you tell i've had two pitchers of cheeky vimpto and a pint and a half of Fosters?)
Sorry, back to snogging, it comes in a variety of flavours, like wee cheeky snogs that last for a second or two and take the edge of your craving, then there's the pin you against the wall and snog the face of you snog, that when its over you really have to catch your breath and sit down, or there's the soft, gentle slow meaningful snog that makes your tummy turn inside out and your legs tremble. Oh and sexy snogging, like tongue snogging is my favourite, sexy, slow, touching and tasting toungues, playful and fun and erotic. Okay, this is not what i wanted to talk about, i was thinking yesterday about when i first learned about snogging, I think i was 13, and his name was Peter, his brother was my new boyfriend and he was hot, so we were playing postmans knock and he said ' this is what you do, you kind of open your mouth this much and move your head like this'. It was kind of like a washing machine but i liked it. Previous to that my sister had taught me to do it on my pillow incase the day arose that i might need to do it in practice. I practiced on my pillow every night, and on my hand cause it was almost like the real thing. Sometimes i still practice on my hand (did i actually just say that?) well i think you can never have enough practice, the back of your hand is too predictable though, you know it aint going to bite your lip or slip something warm and soft into your mouth, but its reliable.
Then when i snogged for the first time, washing machine and all, i was hooked, then i snogged my boyfriend and it was just ace, ok, maybe not quite the effect it has on me these days but me and my hand, we had practice.
Then there was lots of teeny bop boyfriends, and we used to have snogathons, and i'm talking, snogging for as long as humanly possible, like for an hour without stopping, and your eyes closed the whole time, washing machine style, no tongues, just for the sake of it cause it was the thing to do, I think my longest snogathon lasted one hour and ten minutes and i think it was with Craig Whigham, who was such a little hottie, he was as cute as a wee button, and we snogged our wee hearts out for a good year on and off, i snogged his brother too.
Then there was standing in a line snogging were you competed with your friends, to see who can go without air, food or drink, with your eyes closed,hardcore washing machine style for the longest. Ace. Oh the days eh?
I think i would like to beat my record of one hour and ten minutes, but this time, NOT washing machine style, maybe a wee bit of eye opening (but only sometimes) eye closing for full longterm snogging is for people who are imagining that they are snogging someone else).
I'd like perhaps to try a challenge of one hour and twenty minutes, full on, sexual tongue kissing, lip biting soft sensual kissing, (no, snogging,) to beat my record that i've held since i was 14.All good.
BY the way, i've noticed that cows in stirling are pure hardcore, they stand up and eat even when its going to rain, but i swear, i was on a train to Edinburgh the other day and went through Linlithgo and the cows were lying down, and sure enough, within half an hour it was raining, its a sure sign of bad things to come. But in a battle of wills. Stirling cows would come out tops. I was a bit worried yesterday, i thought i might have had swine flu i felt uttery horrible and miserable, then i realised it was just my hormoans, i was bleeding to death. not good.
Oh, and i'm not vegetarian anymore, i say, eat the animals, they taste good. I caved in because my deputy manager has a bacon roll every Saturday and bacon was like my favourite meat thing ever and the smell was making me drool which wasnt a pretty sight, so one night, on the way home i got a pack of bacon and two rolls and an avacado (i also love avacado but you cant have it without bacon, its not normal cause thats clearly why bacon was created, to go with avacado)and the rest is history, i've had chicken tikka, sirloin steak with onions and mushrooms and pepper sauce with curly fries,mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. all good, back in the land of the living, oh, and i had a fag on Saturday and it was bogging, i will not be smoking again!!
Has anyone ever had a cheeky vimpto, it gives you a weird assed drunk, i feel like i have a heavy head and i feel a bit sick but i have energy whats that about????
My new job is boreing, i swear i'm bored out of my skull and as you can probably read, i have wayyyyyyyyyyyyy to much time on my hands to think about utter nonsence. lol
I'm going to go back over this entry and correct some of my mistakes but there are probably still a thousand. So happy diary writing you all, and be happy as fuck, cause lets face it, lifes too short to be pissed off, be happy, be creative and be a little devil.
k xxxxx
